Out of Context

You said it, and I wrote it down. All quotes are anonymous and probably out of context…

“I’m boycotting Dick’s” -Sherry W

“Hey Man, I was trained for combat, so I think I can pick up a speaker system” – Vince

Melissa: (his name is) Asher.
Maggie: Dasher?
Melissa: No. Asher. He’s not a reindeer.
Claire: He’s a reindeer?

“I stuck my finger in and took a lick”

“Do you want to lick your phone off?”

“I didn’t know the two men who slept in my bed!”

“I sleep much better in somebody else’s bed.”

“I have a poncho, so I am like indestructible.”

“Get your foot out of my bra!”

“AH! There’s something between my legs!”

“I was Catholic every other week. Presbyterian every other week. And Baptist on Wednesdays.”

“I’ll let you in my shirt… that sounded bad!”

“I said to my kids, I want to stick someone between my knees”

“I’m going upstairs to keep folding clowns.” -M

“I usually delete body parts.” -M

“my thighs haven’t seen air” -DV

“I’ve been wasting money on chicken this whole time, i could have been buying hamsters”

Me: *sniffs* “I’m going upstairs because you farted.”
M: “I didn’t mean to!!”

M: “I’ve never ever ever had stuffing that came out of a turkey’s butt.”

“I’d like to keep my pants on please.” -B

“Those Dick boxes really came in handy… You all get Dicks for Christmas.” -T

“I got too many balls, I can’t take any more.” -M

“Girl scout moms are crack dealers during cookie season.”

“I lost my phone.”
“Did you leave it upstairs?”
“No, it’s under a body part somewhere.”

“My boobs won’t fit in the basket.” -M

“I’m a dark meat kind of guy…. I like thighs and legs.” -RR

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